Originally appeared on: https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/qdtarchive/how-to-use-driving-questions-to-shape-your-life/
June 24, 2014
Asking yourself the right questions can change the direction of your life. Here’s how to utilize driving questions to live a better, more fulfilling life.
How do you change the direction of your entire life?
With a question.
Once upon a time, long ago, I was a computer programmer. At 12 years old, I would leap out of bed each day and work on a computer program. I got really good at programming.
Some people call this discipline.
That’s nonsense.
Discipline involves whips, leather, safe words, and a wardrobe made entirely from different shades of gray.
This just required thought. My first thought upon waking was, “What program do I want to write today?” My brain’s answer was the day’s agenda. This taught me two secrets: When we ask ourselves questions, we answer them. And when we ask ourselves questions about our immediate future, the question sends our life in a certain direction.
We All Have “Driving Questions”
In working with coaching clients, I’ve found many people have a driving question. It comes to mind in the morning, or at breaking points when it’s time to figure out what to do next. Those questions shape my clients’ lives. You have one, too. A good driving question takes your life someplace awesome and amazing, like Rivendell! A bad driving question will lead you straight into Mordor through the East Gate of Mordor. And as know, you really don’t want to go there.
Questions Have Direction
My question “What program do I want to write today?” drove my brain toward writing a computer program. Questions about what you want, need, have to, must, or should do all drive you toward something. Questions about specific places or people drive your attention to those places or people. When they move you to action, your action will be about the direction the question sets.
Here are some toward questions, which send your brain in a specific direction:
What book chapter can I write today?
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How can I make more money today?
How can I make it to Broadway and win a Tony?
What do I need to finish at work today?
What errands need doing?
How do I get promoted?
Some Questions Don’t Have Direction
Toward questions move you toward things you want. When you ask “Where is the lion enclosure at the zoo?” You know the question will take you right to the big puddy tats.
Away from questions move you away from things you don’t want. You fall into the lion enclosure. The lions notice that you’re holding an entire package of Oreos, and start moving in your direction. Now, you ask an away from question. “How can I get away from the lions?” You don’t care which wall you climb, or which tree you hide in, you just want to get away. An away from question identifies a problem and motivates you to get away from it, but gives you no specific destination.
Driving questions can be* away from* questions:
What’s going to go wrong today?
How are the kids going to mess up at school?
What’s going to hold up the project this time?
Who’s going to be the big obstructionist at work today?
What am I missing?
Away from questions fix and avoid problems. They send you into a life of scanning the world for threats, locking on, and neutralizing! What they don’t do is focus your life on a specific destination. As a driving question, away from *questions are better if you want to live your life as a caretaker. if you want to accomplish goals in your life, a *toward question makes more sense.
Toward questions do keep you going somewhere specific, but as the ancient Chinese curse says, “If you do not change direction, you will get where you are going.” Toward questions can blind you to everything else.
Being a graduate of Harvard Business School, I know a lot of people whose driving question is: “How can I make more money today?” Let’s just say that as a question to drive your life, that one has some pretty bad side effects. Just ask their ex-husbands, wives, spousal equivalents, boyfriends, girlfriends, polyamorous family units, and children.
You Have One Driving Question
By the time you’re my age, you’ll have lots and lots of questions to ask. But only one or two will be the questions that you return to, that drive your attention and shape your life. Those are the questions you want to pay close attention to.
Since my programming days are far behind me, my driving questions these days is some combination of:
Has any new email come in since last time I checked?
What’s happening on Facebook?
What’s on TV tonight? Netflix? Hulu?
Why am I not accomplishing more?
Where are my Oreos?
Imagine living life as me, using those questions to guide me. I’ll end up spending my time checking email, looking at Facebook, being sad that my time is being sucked into email and Facebook, and stuffing myself with Oreos. It’s not a pretty picture, folks, which is why I need new driving questions.
Choose Your Question
The good news is that your driving question is under your control, and the question you choose will change your life. Here are some questions that will send you in the direction of having a more enjoyable, more connected life. They’re broad enough to give flexibility, and specific enough to set good directions…and maybe even change the world. Choose one or two of these and answer, just to try them on:
What would be fun to do today? What do I want to do?
Who do I want to serve today?
What can I do today that would make my life extraordinary?
How can I become a better person today?
What can I do today to change the world for the better?
What can I do or learn today that I’ve never down before?
How can I create some happy memories with my loved ones?
What can I do today to start playing a bigger game?
Start to notice your driving question. If you think another one would serve you, choose it. Practice it every morning, every afternoon, and every evening. Put it on your phone’s lock screen so you are reminded of it every time you’re tempted to waste your precious, irreplaceable life by texting. Ask, then write down 10–20 answers. If you find yourself glossing over it after a few days, don’t. Re-ask, really consider, and really answer. Do this for 66 days, until the question becomes automatic.
Then watch your life change.
I’m Stever Robbins. I help high achievers design the driving questions that will accelerate or change their lives. If you want to know more, visit.
Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!
About the Author
Stever Robbins was the host of the Get-it-Done Guy podcast, an iTunes top-10 business podcast, from 2007 to 2020. He is a graduate of W. Edward Deming’s Total Quality Management training program and a Certified Master Trainer Elite of NLP. He holds an MBA from the Harvard Business School and a degree in Computer Science from MIT.
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