Originally appeared on: https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/qdtarchive/how-to-not-mess-up-referrals/
May 16, 2016
When you’re being introduced to a potential source of new work, it’s important to preserve the relationships involved in the process.
You’re on your way to the top! You needed some help reaching the CEO of Big Company Inc, so you reached out to your network. Lo and behold, one of your contacts knows the CEO and is willing to refer you. This is great news, but be careful! How you handle the referral will make an impression on your new contact, but it could affect your relationship with the the introducer. You need to make sure the introduction strengthens both relationships.
To make sure everyone walks away happy and fulfilled, keep your introducer in the loop.
Intern MG was vying for the Grandma Cuddles’ Daycare “button-pressing” internship, in the telecommunications closet at the daycare. It didn’t pay much, but working alongside Harry the Head Button Presser would be great exposure. So when Intern MG asked for an introduction to Grandma Cuddles, I had to say yes.
I emailed Grandma Cuddles on Monday to let her know MG would be getting in touch, and told MG to email her the same day. By Wednesday, the silence was deafening. Until I got a voicemail from Grandma Cuddles. “Where in the name of freakin’ heck is that intern you told me about?” She ranted. I, of course, had no clue.
Update Your Introducer
MG hadn’t emailed, and I didn’t know until it was too late.
Keep your introducer informed and at ease, by touching base at key points in the introduction process: the moments where the introduction state changes. When you contact the referral, when they get back to you, after you meet, and then after you have results to report. When new developments take place, mention it to your introducer. “Thanks for introducing me to Cuddles. I have an interview next week!” This way, if any questions arise, your introducer will always be on top of things and come across as knowledgeable.
This person’s doing you a favor, so make sure your conduct makes them look good in everyone’s eyes.
Which brings up an important point …
Be Prompt and Professional
It’s professional to contact your referral quickly. Once an introduction has been made, the clock starts ticking. Some referrals won’t care if you take a while to contact them. Others will expect to hear from you immediately. Be safe; err on the side of promptness.
Intern MG dragged his feet with Grandma Cuddle. That is not good. Grandma Cuddles is used to obedience. Fast, effective, and total obedience. When she had to wait, MG’s behavior reflected on me. And as nice as it was to see him finally screw up for once, it would have been even nicer if he hadn’t dragged me down in the process. As it was, thanks to MG’s delay, Granda said she was sending over a few of her little tykes to help hurry along the process.
It’s not enough just to be on time. I warned intern MG, as he was racing to the phone pursued by a group of toddlers wielding crayons sharpened to unnaturally sharp points, that he also needs to be polite. Wear appropriate clothes. Thank the referral for being willing to meet with you. Say “Please” and “Thank you.” Don’t use slang, until you’ve established the relationship.
With some people, formality doesn’t matter. With some, it does. Being too professional and dialing it back is always an option. But if someone is expecting professional and you give them casual, you may have doomed the relationship from the get go.
There might be other landmines waiting for you, but you have a way to make sure you’ve defused them.
Use Your Introducer as a Resource
Your introducer can help. They know the referral, and can give you a head’s up on what to do and what not to do when you make contact—if you think to ask. Had he asked I would have remembered to tell MG that Grandma Cuddles is so punctual that she has her adorable little tykes punch in and out on a time clock! Isn’t that adorable?
Your introducer can act as a reliable means of communication if you think your emails or calls haven’t been going through. They will most likely know not only the best way to reach your new contact, but also their communication style and habits. If you haven’t heard a thing and it’s been a few days, your introducer can tell you if it’s a good idea to reach out again, or if it makes more sense to wait a while longer.
Intern MG hollered down from the loft, where Grandma’s tykes had driven him, asking how he could make things right. It’s about time he asked!
I told MG that Grandma responds very well to apologies, compliments, and, let’s be honest, cash. If he calls right away with an apology, he’ll probably be fine. All he has to do is point out how much better her business will do with him as an intern, and all will be forgiven. Unicorns will dance, butterflies will sing, and Grandma might let Harry out from the communications closet long enough for him to walk outside around the yard three or four times. She can be quite magnanimous when the mood strikes her.
When someone makes an introduction for you, they’re entrusting you with their reputation. Keep them in the loop as you make contact. Be prompt and professional. And use your introducer for guidance as to how you can best approach and engage their referral. Your actions will strengthen your existing relationship, as well as make a new connection. Pretty soon, when you visit Big Company, Inc., you’ll be lunching with the CEO.
Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!
About the Author
Stever Robbins was the host of the Get-it-Done Guy podcast, an iTunes top-10 business podcast, from 2007 to 2020. He is a graduate of W. Edward Deming’s Total Quality Management training program and a Certified Master Trainer Elite of NLP. He holds an MBA from the Harvard Business School and a degree in Computer Science from MIT.
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