Some change resistance is good. How about yours?
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Q: I am change-resistant. I know it, but it doesn’t help. Once I’ve decided to change something, I enjoy the challenge. But I often resist with “it won’t work because…” How do I know when I am simply resisting change or have a valid concern? You can always point out what can go wrong, and the change resistant-person (e.g. me) truly believes he or she is correct in their objection. – Suzanne
A: You’re in good company, Suzanne! Things change fast these days, yet success is built on resisting change. Yes, you heard right; results come from stability, dependability, focus, and persistence. In other words, the *change-resistance* that keeps us on-track day in and day out. Trust me, Fortune 500 companies rarely get there by embracing change. They innovate once (or get lucky), grow, then do everything they can to keep anyone from creating change that might topple them. Just watch ExxonMobile embracing change around global warming…
Change is hard, physically hard. Our brains grow neural pathways when we learn. Change means creating new paths, PLUS actively resisting our past learning. It’s way easier to invent reasons not to change, so we often do.
You know you’re knee-jerk resisting when you start with objections. Your points may be valid. Maybe. But starting with “No” shows resistance. If the objections come rapid-fire, that’s an even stronger signal. On your third “yes, but…” you’re driving from habit. Realize it. Pat yourself on the back for realizing it. Then stop.
(Try a rubber band around one wrist. When you hear yourself say “yes, but…” snap the rubber band lightly to remind yourself to shift gears.)
Next, just listen. Inside, think, “yes, AND…” Outside, say “Tell me more.” Listen, nod Yes, smile, and take notes. Agree to nothing. Just listen. Inside, object to your heart’s content; go wild. Outside, nod, smile, and write. Then say, “I’d like some time to think about this. Thank you.”
You listened, now think. Write down your objections. On paper, you’ll often find them less daunting than you thought. Once you’re done kvetching, list the possible benefits of the change.
Now, stretch your imagination; write down three or four possible futures that could come from the change. Explore positives and negatives about each one. For example, “If we move, we’ll have more Chinese restaurants that deliver. That means more romantic evenings at home. But then, we’ll bloat from the MSG, so we’ll need to buy a treadmill…” Be humorous. You’re not trying to predict the future; you’re just shaking up your thinking.
After this brainstorming, decide if you agree with the change. If not, you’ve thought enough to build a careful argument. Rather than a seeming nay-sayer, you’ll be a thoughtful contributor to the discussion. If you decide you like the change, psyche yourself up for the challenge and give it a go, full steam ahead!
Change-resistance is fine, if your reasons are good. By letting your knee-jerk response signal Time To Think, you can choose when to keep the status quo and when to act. Either way, you won’t respond willy-nilly; you’ll make a good decision from careful deliberation.
I have a question. How do you balance the need to keep stability in life or business when you also need to constantly be thinking outside the box? There are always questions to be asked of oneself and what one does especially if your more of a philosophical thinker.
My problem is that I am logical and philosophical. Does that even make sense? lol! On the one hand I crave stability because, due to circumstances I have not been able to control, I’ve never really had it, except w/ maybe my parents. On the other hand, I crave questioning and researching and learning, and do to that part of myself I’ve often bee outcast in groups.
Yet, the logical stability part of me often wonders if I should stop all the questioning and just go w/ the flow and play the “game” so to speak. I could just then get along w/ others, play nice, not make other uncomfortable by my need to find a better way or waste my energy researching things, because I have found most people don’t want to find the truth or to change, they just like talking about it.
Maybe I am asking more than one question here, but I really am at a cross roads right now and I got your book and it’s helped me a lot. Reading some of your articles has been helpful too, but some also leave me w/ the question of how to manage something like this though.
Finally, I know this is a hard question to answer because there are different circumstances for how it could relate. For instance, the horse industry, which I have been working in for years now, is so clickish, but full of liers and back stabbers, I am sorry, but it’s true and refusing to be like that has hurt me in the industry, but I just want stability in it, yet… well you know. Now I am trying to get into photography on my own as well. That seems to be going a bit better. It allows me a creative outlet and is more open to questions and so on. It’s “stability” and how far one can safely “think outside the box” is far different.
Also… this is a whole different question, but I want to ask it in the same email. I often run into people I find I have to dumb myself down to talk to. If I didn’t I would have no friends. I ask myself why this is. Maybe I am a tad arrogant. Ok, I can be arrogant, but it’s like when you know things and people around you have know idea, and then you tell them, and they act like your shoving it in their face or stare at you like you’re from the planet Zorg. How do you deal w/ that? Do you just kind of stop at a certain point and hide the real you, when speaking? Or do you be yourself and keep talking regardless? My problem is that I get kind of upset inside. Like, I am not understood and I can’t be myself. It feels lonely even in a crowded place. Sometimes I find someone who gets it and I no longer feel that way, but that is rare. How would you suggest dealing w/ something like this?
Ok, just thought I’d throw those questions out there to you. I figured you might be able to help me think in a knew way or be able to handle things a different way.